I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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