just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
