i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
