If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
