There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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