is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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