I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
