Don't make out with my wife yet
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
