How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
