You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
