dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
