can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
