By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Life without a bra equals bliss.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
