at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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