is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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