Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
