Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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