just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
