I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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