his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
