she was so not down for the gang bang
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
