The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
