Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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