everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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