And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
