I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
