just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
