Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
did i walk over a car last night?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
