Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
