i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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