Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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