So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
