Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
did i just pee glitter
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