One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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