there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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