i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
