tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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