Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
