a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
