i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
