Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
