My underwear smells like fireworks.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
