I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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