I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
