so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
