if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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