How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
