at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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