are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
