apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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